Meet Merry Shoe
by x-archsage-x
Summary: A parody Mary Sue OC-Insert story. Join Merry Shoe, a beautiful and "talented" blonde-haired seventeen year old on her quest to find true love while fighting off bandits, S-Rank criminals and perhaps worst of all, Naruko and Sakura, those "air-wasters".
1. Prologue:

a/n: This is a parody of the dreaded _Mary-Sue_ _OC-Insert_ character type, and her quest to win over Sasuke Uchiha while fighting bandits, saving the world; just like a Mary-Sue should. Her character will develop, but for now let me introduce to you my very own take on what one should be like... I'm proud, or maybe ashamed, to introduce:

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Prologue:

Hi, I'm Merry Liz'beth-Swan Gull'ble Starshine Shoe, but don't worry, you're not expected to remember me by my unique, beautiful name. You can just call me Merry Shoe, but whatever you do, _don't_ call me Mary-Sue!

I have flowing, perfect golden hair; so much better than that vain-bitch Ino's. My eyes are that of the most flawless amethyst, and glisten in the moonlight especially. My skin is light and glows like the sun itself. I often get mistaken for Kate Winslet or Scarlett Johansson.

I'm a half Jinchuuriki, who is unfortunate enough to share the nine-tailed monster with the _super-__nerd __Naruko Uzumaki_... ugh, how could _anyone_ mistake _her_ for being the child of prophecy, I'll never know... I mean, Sasuke _so_ deserves that title more than that ugly whiskered-shit! Anyway, I like to call her Whisker-Yolk, it's fitting, don't you think?

I'm seventeen years old, but although I'm one of the most talented, amazing Shinobi this Village has ever had the privilege of having; I'm only a Genin. I sometimes cry myself to sleep some nights, knowing that I'm a hidden gem, but in plain view... I feel so unappreciated at times. My otherworldly powers are that of Genjutsu, so I can invade other people's minds and overwhelm them with my spectacular beauty, although Sasuke has somehow managed to resist it so far...

Oh, and I forget to mention; _I_ am the child of the prophecy. The old doddery fool Jiraiya and those scummy frogs clearly experienced an episode of Alzheimer's while having their vision of the prophecy; how else could they mistake me for that whiskered-yolk?!

Well, I know you want to find out even more about my complex character (and who doesn't?), but right now I'm on a drab mission with Team 7, which is both wonderful yet distressing, enough to make even _my_ eyes lose their glimmer. Why, you ask? I'm with the hottest jock in the village, Sasuke... but also two nerdy air-wasters; Sakura and Naruko. The pink banshee is so obviously jealous of my superior skills and looks, as Sasuke is sure to fall head over heels for me eventually!

But about my dislike of Whisker-Yolk? When we are both near each other, which is distressing for me enough already, the 9-tailed fag allows us both to hear each-others thoughts! I know what you're thinking, "Oh no Merry Swan Shoe! How do you stop that ugly nerd hearing your brilliant thoughts?!", well it's quite simple, I can't!

There's no need to feel sorry for me, but I know the urge can be overwhelming sometimes. I'll just have to try to blackmail the little scrub if he ever hears some of my genius thoughts not meant for the outer world. Also, the 9-tailed prick stops my Genjutsu working on her, so even _my_ godly powers can't stop it.

Right now our mission is to get a scroll from the Sand Village; a meagre task for my abilities, I know, but at least It'll give Sasuke a chance to finally tell me his true feelings before we get there. Unless something bad happens to interrupt it, like a bandit attack, the village getting destroyed or _even if Sakura opens her huge, pointless mouth._

So there you have it, to summarize all this amazing knowledge in simple terms for my admirers; My name is Merry Liz'beth-Swan Gull'ble Starshine Shoe, and I _will_ win over Sasuke!

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_Merry Swan Shoe's Theme: **Mean Girls Soundtrack - Pass That Dutch (Plastics Anthem)**_

Please do review, following update speed will depend on how much feedback I get! I hope you're looking forward to seeing Merry Shoe's adventures, until then!


	2. Chapter 1

a/n: I don't have much to say, other than I'm really glad you all feel so negatively towards Merry; it shows I'm doing my job right ;) Have fun reading this chapter, I think you will.

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"Now where the **hell **are we now?!"

An angry, selfish seventeen year old shouted to the top of her lungs. Merry was now storming ahead to the team, outraged to why they were now in a muddy swamp that coated her beautiful Louis Vuitton high-platformed (and hot pink) heels in the drudge and excrement of the swamp floor. She caught up to Hinata, who was also quite far behind the rest of the Team.

"Answer me you stupid fucking slut!" She snarled, now standing next to Hinata with little patience.

"O-Oh sorry, M-Merry-Chan! W-W needed to take a s-shortcut so we could reach the sand village f-faster." Hinata murmured to the furious pink-clad bitch.

"So you're saying that a shortcut is worth my heels being covered in this donkey shit?! Get a fucking reality check you Hyuga Ho!"

The Mary-Sue consequently grabbed the purple-haired teen by her hair and slammed her face straight down into the swamp floor; her purple hair now engulfed in the shit-stew of the swamp. Merry held Hinata's face down under the swamp-filth for a few seconds until she lifted her head back up; it now fully coated like a marshmallow in chocolate sauce.

"**Now **you understand how it feels, selfish bitch!"

Merry let go of the Hyuga's hair and began to sludge forwards again to catch up to the rest of the team, hearing Hinata behind her gasp for air after holding her breath in the swamp water.

The Mary-Sue fast approached the team, while Hinata was still behind cleaning the waste off of her hair. The team consisted of Sakura, Sasuke and the "whisker-yolk" Naruko.

Merry was catching up to them, but was still a ways behind, so she yelled for them to help carry her, but no answer was heard. Merry Swan Shoe never, ever, allowed anyone to ignore her. And so the spoilt-prick coated her hand in chakra to try to pick up some sludge from the swamp to gain revenge for the team ignoring her, but just as she dipped her coated-hand in swamp floor, some of her gorgeous blonde locks dipped in the shitty water.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Her deathly scream echoed throughout the entire swamp, most possibly heard across the entire Wind Country. The Team spun around to see why Merry made such a huge scream, and ran towards her. They approached her to see she was sitting on a tree branch above, crying tears like a scummy crocodile which glowed in the moonlight.

"What happened Merry?! I-Is it Hinata? Where is she?!" Naruko panicked, worried that the reason Merry screamed was due to Hinata being kidnapped, or worse.

"G-Guys!"

A mellow plea was heard in the distance; Hinata was stumbling towards the group with her face still coated in the toxic swamp waste, causing her to glow eerily green. Naruko sighed with relief, glad that Hinata (one of her closest friends) wasn't the reason to Merry's crying.

"So why are you crying then Mer-"

Naruko was interrupted from finishing her sentence as a huge pile of mud slammed into her face from above. The mud was thrown by our beloved Merry, whose tears really did turn out to be those of a crocodile's. Merry started to snicker as she saw Naruko begin to angrily scrape the shit off of her face while ready to blow from anger.

"Now that's what you get for abandoning a damsel in distress; you bunch of cock suck-"

Now even Merry was interrupted, as many snapping sounds were heard around the area. The team looked around to see where it was coming from, and then realized the sound was right behind them.

"Who goes there?!" Sakura shouted into the swamp, the rustling sounds of branches now increasing as they got closer. Naruko had now finished scraping the mud off of her face and turned around to see where the possible enemy were; asking the nine-tails to help figure out who was approaching them. She waited for a response, but was surprised when she heard something different.

_"Sasuke... Sasuke... ah I really need to fart!"_

Naruko first asked the nine-tails to why he was lusting over Sasuke, but then realized it must have been someone else... Merry!

Suddenly, a huge sound erupted near Merry and the branch her ass sat upon began to crack. The huge sonic boom must have weakened the branch as it was now bending, almost ready to completely snap.

"W-Whisker Yolk! Come up here and save me now!" Merry squealed, the branch almost completely giving way. Naruko guffawed at Merry's demands as after receiving a shit-pie to the face, she wasn't ready to help the Mary Sue at any time.

"B-Bansheeeee!" Merry now cried to Sakura, who in turn replied by walking slowly to the tree that Merry was on and began to kick the tree trunk rhythmically, the branch mere moments away from cascading into the dung-pool beneath. Merry snarled at Sakura, kicking off one of her Louis Vuitton heels in hopes of incapacitating the "pink-prick". The heel missed completely and ricocheted off the tree, and instead struck her beloved Sasuke instead. Merry gasped as "her" hunk turned slowly towards her menacingly.

"S-Sasuke... I-I'm sorry! P-Please help me?!" Merry pleaded, imitating Hinata's stutter. Sasuke began to walk towards her, surprising Naruko and Sakura especially.

"What the hell are you doing Sasuke?! This bitch deserves to fall into it!" Naruko bellowed, now dodging the other Louis Vuitton heel flying her way. Sasuke now stood directly under the cracking branch, raising his hand up near Merry.

"O-Oh thank you, my hero!"

Sasuke's hand was mere inches away from Merry's, but had now grasped the branch instead of her hand.

"You're annoying."

The Uchiha clamped down on the branch and snapped it completely, the spoilt Mary-Sue on top of it now cascading down almost in slow motion. Another fart came from Merry in sheer panic, and her hair was now glistening in the sunlight that was reflecting from the shit-pool below. Her squeal was almost as loud as her first moments ago, now sounding like a drowned cat as her pink-clothed body slammed into the swamp water, a column of dung-water shot into the air and rained down on the team. Her platinum blonde hair was now under the water; the team anxiously awaited her to arise to look at the pooey-specimen.

"N-Narukoooo!"

A scream could be heard behind the team, it was Hinata. Naruko shot around to see her best-friend being held captive by a masked rogue holding a kunai to her throat.

"Now every one of you better not make a move, or this dirty-bitch will die!" The husky voice snarled, obviously referring to the swamp mud that covered her, thanks to Merry, who was still submerged somehow. Multiple figures came out from behind the trees and foliage of the swamp, surrounding the team. The team had no choice but to surrender, or Hinata's life could be on the line.

**"UUUUUREAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"**

The rogues all turned quickly to the swamp floor near the team, their eyes wide in horror as something began to rise from the shite-pool in a monstrous manner. The being was squealing through the mud, its hair swishing in the air spreading the swamp water everywhere like a demon. The man holding Hinata dropped his Kunai and began to shake, allowing Hinata to escape his grasp. The man didn't even respond to his hostage escaping.

"I-It's..." The rogue begun to stutter aloud.

"T-The Swamp B-BANSHEEE!"

All of rogues began to shout and scream, now running away in sheer terror from "The Swamp Banshee". The team looked in astonishment at each other, shocked that such formidable bandits really believed in such a stupid superstition. The Swamp Banshee was of course our beloved Merry, who had now shaken a lot of the shit off of her hair and was now standing, but still squealing. The squealing worked perfectly in scaring away the bandits, so no one bothered to stop her, but laughed at her instead.

Merry was living her worst nightmare; her expensive Gucci bag and Vogue-Endorsed designer hot-pink coat was now completely brown and coated in the swamp feces. She wiped most of it off from her face and her amethyst eyes were now glowing red, now furious at what the team had done to her.

"H-How dare!-"

Merry was close to rampaging, but saw that the team was ahead of her yet again. She now began to simmer as she slogged towards the team once again, but grateful in the thought that the swamp didn't look like it would last for much longer, and that she'd get her revenge soon.

"I-I feel so victimized..." The blonde began to delicately cry, feeling sorry for herself, believing that she was bullied by her team.

She slogged on for at least half an hour before seeing some lights in the distance. It was already close to nightfall, and she was getting more angry the more she thought about her, a beautiful and talented person, being abandoned by those bastards. All except for Sasuke, who she still believed "accidentally" missed her hand and grabbed the branch by "mistake". Her denial about him was very obvious at times, but she still denied even that.

She now stepped on to hard land, her feet covered in the swamp-shite as she sacrificed her heels to try to harm Sakura and Naruko before. The lights became clearer and it was clear that it was a large tent set up by her team, with torches outside lit by her beloved Sasuke.

"Uhh I can't wait to have a bath! I hope this camping site has hot water... and a mall."


End file.
